When was the last time you thought “I’m not good enough”?
All of us have thought something like that in response to a painful event. Maybe the person you’ve been dating rejected you. Maybe you didn’t get the job you wanted after the sixth round of interviews. We have an instinct to make these painful moments about our own shortcomings, and end up thinking that we’re unworthy, unlovable, or powerless. These kinds of thoughts have a name: limiting beliefs. This is because they hold us back from reaching our true potential. Of course, you may already know that limiting beliefs are holding you back. But when you try to address them by replacing them with positive affirmations, it never seems to work. You’re not alone–as we’ll uncover, there are powerful psychological reasons why limiting beliefs are so hard to shake. If you’re ready to start overcoming your limiting beliefs, keep reading to discover the limiting belief exercise that works for real.
What Are Limiting Beliefs?
Limiting beliefs are those negative thoughts and perceptions we hold either about ourselves or the world around us. They are often deeply ingrained and stem from past experiences, upbringing, societal norms, and even media influences. These beliefs can manifest in various forms, such as “I’m not good enough,” “I don’t deserve success,” or “I can’t trust anyone.” Here’s a list of the top 10 limiting beliefs we’ve seen in our practice as holistic healing guides:
1 I’m not enough
2 I’m too much
3 I’m too old
4 I’m too young
5 I’m not worthy of love
6 I don’t have what it takes
7 Change is impossible
8 I don’t deserve this
9 I’m not ready
10 The world is not safe
Where Do Self Limiting Beliefs Come From?
Limiting beliefs come from many sources. They may stem from childhood experiences, such as criticism from parents or teachers, or comparisons to siblings or peers. Trauma of any kind can create the formation of these beliefs. Sometimes common limiting beliefs come from preverbal experiences that we may not remember in very early childhood. Additionally, societal expectations, cultural norms, and stories in the media can create or reinforce these beliefs. For example, women in their forties may pick up the limiting belief that they are too old to be seen as desirable. They may want to find a partner but they don’t see this possibility reflected back to them. This is then reinforced by a culture that prizes youth. This creates a cycle of self-doubt and negativity and holds women back from finding loving relationships.
It’s important to realize that some limiting beliefs are perpetuated in culture because they keep us insecure and looking for solutions by buying things we don’t really need. This is especially true for beliefs about physical appearance and the body.
Why Are Limiting Beliefs a Problem?
Limiting beliefs act as invisible barriers that hinder personal growth and success. They create self-imposed limitations, preventing us from taking risks, seizing opportunities, and pursuing our passions. These beliefs not only impact our professional endeavors but also affect our relationships, health, and overall well-being. Living under the shadow of limiting beliefs can lead to feelings of frustration, inadequacy, and unfulfillment.
Limiting beliefs not only stop us from taking actions in the first place towards achieving our dreams. They also show up as self-sabotage.
Why is it so hard to overcome limiting beliefs?
One unfortunate quirk about the human mind is that we’re optimized for survival, not happiness or inner peace. That’s because it served our ancient ancestors well to be sensitive to threats. Evolution rewarded humans who could plan for or avoid negative outcomes. Fast forward to the present day, and the upshot is that negative thoughts and beliefs get ingrained into our minds more easily than positive ones.
Additionally, many of our limiting beliefs have to do with not being able to access love, safety, and belonging. This is also the result of our ancestral history as humans. Humans have always lived in tribes or groups, and the possibility of being rejected used to come with extremely high stakes. Getting kicked out of the tribe once meant that your survival was on the line. That’s why limiting beliefs feel so overwhelming and so painful. We are all afraid of not belonging, and our limiting beliefs activate that fear.
How to Let Go of Limiting Beliefs?
If you’re ready to let go of your limiting beliefs, it’ll take some time and effort, but it’s completely doable. Here’s a practice to help you let go of limiting beliefs and unleash your full potential:
1. Identify Your Limiting Beliefs: Take time to reflect on your thoughts and beliefs. Write down any recurring negative thoughts or self-doubts that come to mind. Recognizing these beliefs is the first step toward overcoming them.
2. Pinpoint the Origin: Try to recall a specific moment or event where you first picked up this self limiting belief. Did it come from a painful moment in early childhood? Was it related to negative interactions with your peers? Was it something a boss said to you? Note: we are not trying to assign blame or guilt. Even the best parents, friends, partners, and bosses can cause limiting beliefs to form and it doesn’t mean they are bad people. Many times when we uncover the origin of a limiting belief, we can see that the person was not trying to make us feel insecure or inadequate. We are simply interested in connecting with the part of you that was wounded in that moment and has been carrying around the limiting belief ever since.
3. Practice Self Compassion. If we try to immediately wave away or deny the limiting belief, that usually only makes it grow bigger. It’s an inconvenient psychological truth that if you try not to think a thought, you’ll end up thinking it anyway. (If someone tells you not to think about a red balloon, what image immediately pops up in your mind?) Instead, acknowledge that this limiting belief comes from a part of you that’s trying very hard to help you get what you want–love, acceptance, and safety. There may have been a time when this limiting belief actually helped you.
For example, if you grew up with an unpredictable parent, you learned to put their needs before your own. You learned how to read the energy of the room, and if they seemed angry or otherwise threatening, you would avoid asking them for help with your homework or for a snack. You picked up the belief that “my needs don’t matter.” At the time, this limiting belief helped you because you depended on the bond with your parents. Without them to house you, clothe you, and feed you, your very survival was at stake. So you learned how to maintain that bond, even if it meant many of your other emotional or practical needs went unmet.
So, instead of trying to chase the limiting belief away, relate to it with gratitude and compassion. Recognize that it served a purpose at one point. Only by acknowledging the reason this belief once helped you will you be able to start healing it.
4. Reframe Your Thoughts: After you’ve expressed gratitude and identified how this belief once helped you, then you can start replacing it with a new thought. Instead of saying “My needs don’t matter,” tell yourself “My needs matter and it is safe to express them,” or whatever feels like an empowering counterpoint to the limiting belief.
5. Take Action: To make the new belief stick, start acting in accordance with it a little bit at a time. Take baby steps at first. For example, if you’re working on overcoming the belief “my needs don’t matter,” then you’d want to start prioritizing your own needs. That could be as small as blocking off time in your work calendar for focused work so that no one can schedule meetings at that time. Or you could ask the friend who’s canceled on you at the last moment to give you more advanced notice next time.
Limiting beliefs may have held you back in the past, but they don’t have to dictate your future. The life you really want is possible, and we’re here to help you make it happen. We are two holistic healing facilitators who have helped hundreds of people like you uncover the limiting beliefs that contribute to chronic and acute diseases, weight management issues, mental health struggles, and more. If you’re ready to get healthy, confident, and empowered, check out our Become a Member page to learn how we can help.
