After another demanding day at work, you collapse on the couch. The TV is on, and your daughter is watching it, zoned out. You feel like you shouldn’t have her in front of the TV, but you just don’t have the energy to play with her. Last night she had a toothache and woke you up crying, so you’re tired.
Like clockwork, the internal monologue begins: I shouldn’t let her just watch TV. I should have made us a more nutritious dinner. I should be present with her right now instead of scrolling on my phone. I feel like such a terrible mom.
That’s mom guilt in action. This painful emotion is incredibly common–you might say it’s reached epidemic levels. Is there a way to get over mom guilt and feel more like yourself again? Keep reading to discover how to deal with mom guilt.
Mom Guilt and Where it Comes From
Mom guilt is the feeling that you’re not measuring up to the standards society expects of you–or that you impose on yourself. Therefore, mom guilt has two sources–the outer world (including media and social media) and your inner monologue. This feeling can be pretty all-consuming. Moms face so many different pressures and demands:
- Caring for and raising their kids
- Housework, where women still do more than men on average
- Career
- Maintaining a relationship
But have you ever considered that your mom guilt might be a different kind of emotion, expressed sideways? What if it’s really anger or disappointment?
After all, it’s unreasonable to be expected to perform well all the time in all of these different duties. It leaves little time for rest or hobbies or friendships. But we know that anger is an emotion that women are often trained to suppress.
Whether it’s truly guilt or anger, mom guilt affects the body, too. Constantly feeling like you “should” be working harder or giving more of yourself to other people gets interpreted by the body as a threat. In response, stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol may become elevated. When this happens chronically, it can affect everything from metabolism to blood pressure to sleep. It can also lead to anxiety or depression. So healing your mom guilt is actually the best thing you can do for yourself and your kids, because in the long run, it will preserve your health and your vitality.
Mom Guilt and Social Media: How to Stop Chasing Perfection
The surface level expectations for moms have become incredibly high, thanks to social media. There are “momfluencers” everywhere showing you their perfect-looking homes and perfectly coordinated children. Even if you know it’s all a performance, it’s hard to not judge yourself against that standard. When it’s so ubiquitous, we subconsciously assume it’s what’s expected–and that it’s possible to achieve. But it isn’t. A lot of influencer content is heavily staged and edited, and doesn’t reflect real life. If this is really getting to you, step away from social media accounts that make you feel bad about yourself. It’s worth it to protect your mental health.
Perfection doesn’t exist in nature. Looking to create something that doesn’t exist in nature will only make you feel bad. Instead, give yourself some grace. No two children are the same–so why do we expect moms to be all the same, perfect ideal? Release perfectionism and instead focus on reconnecting with your intuition.
How to Heal Feelings of Inadequacy
Keep things in perspective. Your baby chose you as his or her pathway to come into the world. Therefore, your child needs something that only you can give them. Your love is exactly what your baby needs. Don’t let societal programming tell you otherwise. You are enough.
- Be selective about who you talk to. Do you need to share your motherhood experiences on social media, or with people who aren’t that close to you? If you’re sensitive to the opinions of others, keep your motherhood experiences more private, and only share with friends who are supportive.
- Pay attention to envious feelings: A lot of the judgment and comparison between mothers is the result of subconscious envy. And envy is the result of our own low self-worth thoughts. What you really need is to heal your own insecurities, and then moms who seem “better” or “more put together” than you won’t bother you anymore.
- Reconnect to your intuition: Set aside time each day to make it a practice. This can be as brief as ten minutes, just to rest and get in touch with the inner knowing that’s always been there. When you make space for your intuition again, it will show you ideas and solutions you’ve been waiting for. The more you act on your intuition, the stronger this connection becomes.
All of the above steps will help. But if you’re looking to heal your mom guilt with more guidance and support, check out our Mother Child Workshop. This seven day workshop is designed to restore your natural, inner knowing and empower you to feel good again about motherhood. You’ll also access live Q&As and a supportive community. Ready to get rid of mom guilt once and for all? Join the workshop today to get started on the path to healing!
